My Mom

In a few days it will have been two years since my mom, Nedra Pierrette De Lima, passed away. I’ve more or less come to terms with it. I wouldn’t say it’s something I carry around with me everyday. But she is with me. Maybe she’s bouncing around in between the electrons, I don’t know.

But the lens through which I view the world most certainly has changed. For so long, I was locked into this sort of “me and the momz vs. the world.” We were trying to get by. Get thru it. Her health was getting worse and worse and of course in hindsight I could have done so much more to live better, live healthier.

It’s a stark realization to be without a mom. So the word alone takes on a new meaning. A new feeling. Random thoughts, random questions, random observations that you would take to your mom. You keep them to yourself. Random movies or places or old inside jokes that remind me of her find me again in life, and the moment passes. There’s no laugh to share, no text to send. No more hugs. She’s gone.

It really hurts still in passing moments, in these days around the date she died. And revisiting the pain is a way of revisiting her.

And then I try to remember all the other days and years of her life. Because that’s my mom.

Here’s one of her favorite songs:

Parliament - “Flash Light”